


Unsent Letter

by cokekiddo



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: I dont know how to tag, Letters, Love Letters, M/M, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Slight Hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:48:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25315555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cokekiddo/pseuds/cokekiddo
Summary: Zuko pines for Sokka in a letter that he writes in the middle of night.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 97





	Unsent Letter

**Author's Note:**

> thank you alexander for editing this for me i owe you my life. <3

Dear Sokka,  
Tonight I woke up, face plastered against a cold mattress, curled in a boiling blanket. To say I was in pain would be wrong. To say I was content would be absolutely wrong. It was such an agony I cannot ever describe to you in real detail.

I had woken up from a dream of falling. Azula had pushed me. You were watching from afar. What hurt wasn’t from the fall, or the betrayal, but it was seeing your eyes vanish from my line of sight. I was sent plummeting away from you. What gripped my heart was your far off screams. Then I awoke, in what I can only describe as hell. That sudden waking moment, not finding you there - anywhere near me - brought me to tears. Everything was too much. The sheets, the pillows, it was all too much. How could I have left you like that? In that much pain? I hope dream you, and real you, will forgive me. But, thank you for caring enough to scream out for me. 

In these waking, shuddering moments, I have to ask: have you ever thought of me the way I think of you? Do you think it odd how long my hand lingers against yours? Or how I tuck a loose strand behind your ear, and let my fingers brush along your hair - do you notice that? The way I do it, the way I look at you, the way I suck in a fragile, almost breaking, breath? Do you see that? 

I try hard to hide, I truly do. Nothing of these feelings were supposed to escape my body. None of them were ever supposed to reach your eyes. Sometimes, when you glance over me, over my touches, I wonder if that slight quirking of your eyebrows means you can see my true feelings towards you. Please say you see it. Please say you don’t see it. Please tell me something. Anything. I’ll always listen. 

On nights like these, I think of your voice. Your melodic tune of words that you string together to make each and every thought of yours known - can put me into a soft lullaby. If I stop thinking of you - how your mouth forms your o’s, or how you quietly rehearse what you’re going to say sometimes - I will be broken from that lullaby, and only you can put me back in that trance. I repeat how you say my name, how you linger on the u, and how you lightly skip the k - it’s perfect. You’re perfect. Your words and thoughts are perfect. In turn, when I cannot stop smiling from these thoughts, I practice saying your name. How to over pronounce it, how to under pronounce it, how to say it like I’m shocked, annoyed, in love, sad - I try it all out until it sounds acceptable. 

Can you forgive me for trying so hard? For thinking of you every other thought I have? Can you forgive that? Would you mind if I finally told you how I felt? How I long to hold you in my hands and cup your face, would you mind if I said that? Is this too much to ask, and is it too soon to ask? I fear if I don’t tell you soon, I’ll find myself smoldering on the floor in bits and pieces. 

When I had cut my hair, I had convinced myself that I held nothing sacred. That nothing held any true meaning to me. I continue to lie to myself that way. I try to at least. I hold you sacred above anything else. I cannot admit this to myself fully though. If I let myself indulge in these thoughts, I will surely give in to these feelings, and my words will spill upon you without any fear. It will not be a melodic tune like yours. It will be choppy, frantic. I will try to tell you everything I’ve been hiding inside. 

Even this writing is getting close to spilling it all to you. I am trying not to. I am trying not to. I’ve only said part of what I think. If I say anymore I will become a dying fire. I am scared to tell you everything. Maybe I should. Will you spare me your sad eyes if I do? Please say you will. I don’t want you to be disappointed in me.

When did I fall into such soft overtones? I think it was when I realized you held the moon in your eyes, the earth in your hair - when I realized you were complete and whole and uniquely pure. Around you, I am wholly, complete. You hold my soul and heart in your hands. You squeeze at them, pulling them around, but it’s what makes me feel complete. I weave my soul between your fingers, pulling you closer when you are far. Is that alright with you? That I’ve left part of me with you? 

I wish you were here. Beside me. Lying in bed with me, soothing me after my nightmare. I wish for this every night. I wish you would sing me to sleep or tell me a story about who you were when you were young. You would shift me around, letting my head lay on your stomach as you intertwine your fingertips with my hair, bringing me back to the real world. You would tell me to hush, to let the wind carry me to sleep, and you would tell me about the stars. I wish you would do that. I wish you were here.

In these shuddering moments, I lay bare my whole self to you. For you to pick apart, for you to see every flaw, for you to see who I am, who I was, and who I will be. Tell me that this part of me - the whole of me - is enough for you. Enough for you to wake up to in the morning. Enough for you to take my hand in public. Enough for you to let your eyes close and lean up against my shoulder without a second thought. I want to be enough for you. Let my whole being be enough for you. 

I know you’re not here, but for now I will pretend that you are. I will pretend that we are kissing so gently, that our breath is barely ghosting over our faces, and that you are laughing so softly that even I begin to laugh. I will pretend that you are tucking us both back into bed, and you are saying that I remind you of the north star. Can you pretend with me? I can’t pretend that these thoughts of you don’t exist anymore. I am spilling - everything is spilling out of me - and I don’t think I can stop. I am spilling onto you, over you, all of it is coming out – I love you. 

I am taking a sparse breath, one I can barely feel, and I am thinking of how much I love you. This thought hurts. It’s burning my throat, it’s burning my veins, because it feels all too much. It’s all too much and yet it feels like I am missing something. Is it the way you look at me? The way your eyes dance when they look my way? Could it be the way you laugh with me? I miss every single part of you, even if it hurts to think about right now. I love too much. I love too much with my whole heart. Forgive these feelings. I can’t stop them from happening. I can’t stop from thinking about how much I love you. 

I love you Sokka. I love you. I love you and I am a wreck. Can we pretend that I’m not? I will if you do. I will go back to where you are tucking me in, and I am the stars and you are the moon, and we are both in love. I’ll go back to that, and I will fall back asleep with you on my mind. Tell me that it’s okay, that I am allowed to. 

You are the greatest agony of this world. There’s no one else I’d rather have to be in my head than you though. In the morning, the pain will still be there, but I will be reciting to myself over and over again about how much I love you. I hope that’s alright. I am so wholly in love with you. 

Please, be good.

– Zuko

**Author's Note:**

> my zukka tumblr is sokkatrans if you want to check it out :)


End file.
